even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
