fuck your aforementioned shoe
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
