FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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