If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
