names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
