this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
