don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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