my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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