I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
