is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
