I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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