what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
