thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
