Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
