how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
