First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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