Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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