Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had sex on a roof
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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