Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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