Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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