Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
