I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry about my life...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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