Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Never joke about your clitoris.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
