Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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