you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
