none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
