You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
