careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
sex in a hospital.. check
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
