I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
