yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
