If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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