Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
