Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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