that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
