Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
