Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
