SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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