So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
