we're chasing vodka with high fives
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
