Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it's like iHOP with fire
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
