She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
