she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize