Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize