I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
