Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
