I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
