Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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