So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
