So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He felt like a one man threesome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
