I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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