I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
