You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
