you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
