If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Youโre going to be a doctor, and Iโm going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
