He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
