well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize