She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
