3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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