they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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