I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
