those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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