Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
