ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
