he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
