it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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